Updated: Jul 1, 2020
It's week 2 or 3 of quarantine and today, I'm trying to avoid the news media. So much is out of my control right now. My kids will most likely not be going back to school this year, the barn is locked down and I'm trying not to think about what could happen if a family member gets really sick from this virus.
I'll admit, for the first week of this, I was not in a good head space. I mean, was anyone? It made me very aware of just how much I don't have control over. In fact, the list of what I can control is laughably small.
Now, in my Mom Brain, when I first decided to consider what I did have control over, I went straight to the chore list. Technically, I have time to deep clean everything in my home a couple of times over. Let's be honest, that isn't happening. Then, I thought of how much time and attention I could give to my kids who are stuck at home with me.
Turns out, teachers really are superheros.
I found myself looking at what I could do or should do. Let me tell you, I can be pretty unkind to myself if I listen to that mean voice in my head. Someone once told me they call it the "Itty-Bitty Shitty Committee". It's fitting. I mean, I'm Mom. I'm supposed to be strong and nurturing for my kids. I'm supposed to have a never ending supply of creative and educational ideas to keep my kids engaged and entertained; like Mary Poppins and her magical bag.
It's so not happening.
That first week, I was so stressed and worried, I just wanted to zone out or sleep. Both of which are hard to do in a house full of energetic boys. It felt like I had gotten the wind knocked out of me and I needed a few days to process. And it wasn't just me. My social media blew up with other Moms experiencing the same thing. They were worried about finances, educating their kids, access to supplies and at risk family members.
Then the stories started coming in. A mom in tears because she couldn't find diapers. Another who is tending to three sick kids. Still another who lost a husband to this virus, even though he had been in perfect health before getting sick.
Suddenly, what I had seemed so much more precious. I have been looking and working towards reaching my goals. This virus has forced me to stop and really look at what's already here in my life. I am blessed with a good man who loves me. I am blessed with two healthy boys. I am blessed with a safe place to live, food in the pantry, and a community that looks out for each other.
I'm taking this time to let my kids experiment in the kitchen , explore subjects that interest them and probably spend too much time in front of a screen. But, I'm also giving myself time. Time to not have it all figured out; time for phone calls with family; and time to work through things at my own pace.
I don't know how much this storm will destroy. I have no control over that. For today, I kiss my husband, hug my boys and debate which movie we are watching tonight. Tonight, there will be a few squabbles, some laughter and some dessert to go with it all. I'm not in charge of carrying this burden alone. We're a family. So tonight, Momma's not making dinner.