Well, the lock down continues and I'm sure it's not just my family that's itching to get out and go somewhere to do anything. We've spent a lot of time together as a family and it's become evident that everyone needs a break from each other. Looking around my neighborhood, it seems to be a common theme. Although, I've never seen so many people invested in their yards at the same time. Thank God for an early spring!
While lock down has given me a lot more time with my family, it's also given me a lot more time with myself. Things that were easier to avoid because I kept myself too busy to acknowledge them began making their presence known. You know, that secret list of things in your life that you need to deal with, but keep putting off? Yeah, that one.
Let's be honest, you can only spend so much time cleaning your house before you run out of things to clean. Then what? Keeping the kids on track with school and busy didn't eat up all that time either. I was faced with the very things I had been avoiding.
What had I been avoiding? In a nutshell, myself. More accurately, not taking full care and responsibility of myself. I've had a few injuries that have set me back, but hadn't been consistent about the physical therapy. I also really did need to stop eating junk and treat my body better. Oh, and that anxiety I had just learned to live with? That one needed attention ASAP.
Now, logically, if someone else were to come to me with the same concerns, suggesting professional support seems appropriate. There are nutritionists, coaches, counselors, and other professionals that help their clients everyday improve the quality of their lives.
And that's great.
For everyone else.
My biggest hitch was that I thought I could handle it all on my own. In my mind, that kind of help was for other people, not me. I grew up pulling myself up by the boot straps and soldiering on. Except that wasn't working anymore. I hit a roadblock and could go no further until I faced up to my reality. I couldn't do it on my own. It's didn't matter how much I tried or wanted to, I was just stuck.
I finally made an appointment to video chat with a professional. Truthfully, I had a lot of preconceived ideas about who much it was going to suck and I wasn't completely confident that this was going to work anyway. But, I figured it was worth a try. It's not like I was going anywhere.
That first call was a huge turning point for me. Getting input and perspective from an objective professional handed me the missing puzzle piece I had been looking for and my road opened up. It was like a bright light bulb clicked on in my head and things became more clear and manageable. Habits that I knew weren't healthy became smaller monsters I could conquer. Understanding the why behind my struggle was like a key to unlocking the will power that I seemed to always lack before.
Now, I still have the work ahead of me, but I'm moving forward instead of in circles. I still have my own battles to fight, but I have support to face that battle. And it's liberating in a way. It's like I finally gave myself permission to be good to myself. Those good things that are easy to want for those I love, I now want for myself and I'm giving myself permission to have them.
We can't be the best version of ourselves while refusing to care for ourselves. It just won't happen. If I can extend my best wishes, hopes and efforts to other, I need to be able to do that for myself as well. You should too.